Want Grace? Give Grace

 Nobody sees themselves as the bad guy, at least not normally. We all have a running story in our heads where we are the main character. I don't mean this in a selfish way, rather a natural storytelling way. In conflict resolution stories are called narratives. We create our own narratives as well as live in those created by others and Society. You, my friend, have your own unique story. Family members have stories about you as well and you have stories about your family. The line between fact and fiction can get rather murky as facts become folklore. The same is true for your local area and country. Here in the US we are all taught the folklore around George Washington. It's important to keep in mind our stories often neglect the darker and unspoken things that also happened. A part of the American story is our expansion westward. What is discussed less is the genocide that went along with the expansion. Sooner or later, the whole truth comes out shattering our rosy self image. Our individual and family stories work in the same way. We all have things we know but don't talk about.

Most of us are a mixture of good and evil. On the whole I think we are more good but that's just my limited experience. I also find extremes to be rare. There are wonderful human beings as well as monsters. Neither one comes out of nowhere. Wonderful human beings are taught by loving family, positive friends and associates and even a good society. Monsters also don't just happen. They are created. Check out Dr. James Waller’s Becoming evil, How ordinary people commit genocide and mass killings. (A lecture) Nonetheless, people tend to think of themselves as good. Maybe later we can have a talk about  Labeling Theory. If you tell a kid or person they are bad long enough, they will embrace the label. That's a discussion for another post.

So for now, think of others as being good to very good. Try to put yourself metaphorically in their shoes. How does that change the picture of what's going on?  Question your own assumptions and consider alternative explanations. Think about how and where you could be wrong. Train yourself to listen carefully, consider what they have said and don't react, rather respond. Instead of interrupting, think through your response after they have finished. A little silence will help to cool emotions. We all like to think we are good. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Want people to listen to you, listen to others. Want to be seen, see others. Want to be understood, understand others. I think you get the idea. In other words, give the grace you would like for yourself.