12 Guidelines

1. Try to identify positive elements in any party, something of which the party is proud; encourage further development.

2. Try to identify positive elements in the conflict, conflict the potential Creator should be kept in mind and celebrated.

3. Be creative in the way you work, don’t be afraid of not doing things correctly, do not take manuals (like this one) too seriously, follow your intuitions and above all your experience.

4.Find together a short easily remembered outcome formula, like “common security”, sustainable development”, which will not do justice to all complexities but may facilitate communication.

5. Be honest to yourself and to others, if you think something is wrong then say so; if you think a party’s proposal is outrageous say so without generalizing to the party as such.  Often a good way to be “diplomatic” is to be “undiplomatic”.

6. Permit your feelings to show. If you are happy about the turn of the conversation say so; if you are unhappy also say so but do not break the relationship.

7. Permit the inside conflict parties to challenge you. Others may tire of your questions and hit back for symmetry, challenging you, your nation, your country etc. Use challenges to jointly explore also your conflicts the same way; roots, perspectives etc.

8. Always suggest alternative courses of action, “in this case you can do this but also that”: never suggest one remedy.

9. Your task is to make yourself superfluous, not to make others dependent on you (but be on call for consultations).

10. Remember: Idealism of the heart, realism of the brain.

11: Remember: Pessimism/cynicism is cheap; optimism is for you.

12. Conflict work is the art of the impossible.