Workplace Bullying Costs too Much

People do not become bullies overnight. It is a process, a learned process. There is no quick and easy remedy. If I stand up to the bully, and he then leaves me alone, I may have just redirected the poor behavior. I'm not a psychologist, so I cannot pretend I know what causes a person to become a bully. I'll look at the problem from another angle, organizational culture.

Too many management types see bullying as the best way to get things done. "I get results." And often they do get results, but these are short-term and are not the employee's best effort. If top management is only looking at the bottom line, and things are okay, they will not be likely to question how they got there. Keep doing what you are doing Mr. Boss. There is are hidden costs to this mean style of management. First, being a bully-type manager creates a miserable work environment for everyone, including the bully-manager. Then there are other costs such as lower production, absenteeism, and sabotage. That's right, employees will rebel against this kind of management in subtle and not so subtle ways. They will not share the goals of an employer they hate. In extreme cases, bullying leads to violence in the work place. What to do?

I think it starts with top level management. It is good to hire good people and stay out of their way, but top leadership need to know what is going on at all levels of the company or organization. Good leaders know how to get the best out of people. They know a person who loves their job will go the extra mile when called upon to do so while the person operating from a place of fear will do the minimum to get by or even less. A happy work-force makes better business sense. Mid and lower level managers and supervisors need to think long term about what is best, not only meeting today's goals. Creating a supportive work environment where employees feel valued, listened to and supported leads to less absenteeism, better overall health and improved performance. Non-management employees need to be supportive of each other, and speak up when bullying occurs.If enough people speak out, positive change can be driven from the bottom up. The worst thing any of us can do is nothing. The costs of a bullying environment are too high to ignore.           

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Beyond School Bullies

Been thinking about Bullies. We're all too often hearing about kids being literally being bullied to death. They are taking their own lives. I think it is something we have all experienced at one time or another, and if we are honest with ourselves, we may not have always been the victim. I shared my experience with the school bully here and here. Sadly, this behavior has moved far beyond the school yard. Bullies can be found in almost any organization, even churches. What do we mean by "Bully?"

Bully- a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people. This is according to dictionary.com.   

I'd say this is as good a definition as any. So we got a definition, but what causes people to become bullies? I'm cautious when trying to "define" anyone. Bulling is a behavior, not a person. Joey may act like a bully at school sometimes, but he's still liked by his peers, and not a bad guy over all. If we slap the "Bully" label on him, are we not actually dehumanizing him? "Oh, he's just a bully. He got what he deserved." We need to remember to separate the behavior from the person. If Joey is in school, he's still just a kid. The boss who uses bullying to get his or her way is still a human being. Our roles change as we go through the day. Is it possible the bully boss may also be a good parent or spouse? Sure. The behavior is not always the person. Like all behaviors, bullying is learned. Something got the bully boss to that point. Was he or she bullied by their boss earlier in their career? They may see fear and intimidation as the best way to get results. Many businesses and organizations have a hierarchical structure that gives some more authority than others. There are a lot of management types out there that view bullying their employees as the best way to get things done. New managers coming in have no reason to feel otherwise and the behavior continues. And while the company may be doing okay, everyone is miserable  Abuse begets abuse. This can clearly be seem in families where the abused grows up to be the abuser. It is what they have learned, and, sadly, all they know. The person demonstrating bully behavior, is doing so because that's what they have learned, and it is re-enforced with approving behavior. In the business world, the bottom line is what matters most, and if a few are bullied along the way, so be it. There is a bright side. New behaviors can be learned. 

The bully manager can learn to get better results from his or her employees with more positive management strategies. He or she can be shown examples of more successful businesses where the employees are happy. Bullied employees can learn new methods to counter the behavior in such a way that does not keep re-enforcing the behavior. The company can implement different methods of conflict resolution such as the use of an ombudsman. What's needed for this kind of change to be brought about is a simple recognition of the status quo having to change. Stressed employees  cost money in a number of different ways, everything from absenteeism, to less productivity, to work place violence. Is bullying really the best way to get the most out of people? Well, I don't think so.             

We'll pick up what YOU can do in the next post. 

More information :
Workplace Bullying

More Defined

Bullying and Civil Rights

On Truth

We all have a notion of what the truth is. But can there really be a Capital T Truth? I guess there is in math. It is true 2 +2 = 4. The hard sciences, like physics, have Capital T Truths like planets orbit stars and so on. We can figure some of these things out. But when it comes to relationships with our fellow human beings, hard truths become more elusive. Memories fade, new experiences further cloud our minds and the relentless march of time changes our perspective. Think of all the cases where eyewitnesses were proven wrong mistaking identity with sometimes-disastrous effects. How do we KNOW what we know? We create stories to explain events. Sometimes our stories miss or leave out important details. Accepting such mistakes is not easy. It can be hard admitting we were wrong about something. When we do, we have to examine ourselves more closely, as well as how we create our inner stories. In a culture where we are supposed to be strong, and not make mistakes hard self-reflection is not easy. Our egos, shaped by a hyper-individualistic, culture don't take the idea of possibly being wrong well. Admitting fault or error shows weakness. How does all of this play out in an on going dispute?

I feel strongly that I was wronged, and my feelings have been hurt. I cannot understand how things got to this point, and I'm stressed out wishing it would just "go away." To resolve the issue, I'm going to have to let go a little and walk in the other person's shoes. It is much easier to write this than really do it. I will have to rethink my story about what has transpired, and get past the I'm right and you're wrong notion I've been holding on to. I, like many people, will need a good reason to doubt my own conclusions. Otherwise, I'll not resolve anything. I'll just carry on saying he or she is a so and so (insert your favorite expletive), and not much will change. I have to have a good reason to re-open old wounds and hurts. The relationship with this person must be more valuable than holding onto old hurts. Family is a good example. We cannot change our family members. Our parents will always be our parents. It could be a good long-term business relationship. I feel like I was done wrong. Should I end an otherwise good, and mutually beneficial relationship? If the answer is "No," I need to resolve the problem. I have to be in the right place mentally.

I need to be able to think of the Truth, subjectively. Others also have what they consider Truth and I need to be open to considering their point of view. If I'm going into try and resolve an old hurt, I need to back off from merely defending "my position." One way to do this is go for a helicopter ride. Not literally but intellectually. By this I mean to take myself out of the situation, and survey the whole area around the conflict. I may be able to see important things I've missed that can be used to reach an agreeable and just outcome. All involved need to shed their fear of heights, and come out from the barricades egos have built up over time to take a fresh view of what has transpired. If those involved cannot agree, at least in principal, to let go a little there is little hope of truly resolving anything. Just agreeing to talk openly and honestly is a big step in the right direction. At the very least, we can learn some new information.        

A few Sunday morning thoughts...