Positive Peace

Trying to stay positive in a conflict situation can be difficult but is essential. It is all too easy to let our emotions get the best of us, and this can sometimes bring our worst. I think it is safe to say we seldom, if ever make good decisions when we are angry. When we are upset, we only want the thing making us angry to "go away" as quickly as possible. This can easily lead to "snap" decisions we later regret. It can be something small like yelling at a loved one saying the wrong thing, thus making the problem even worse. More often than not, we do all we can to avoid conflict all together; Avoidance. I'll confess I'm as guilty of this as anyone and I should know better. I think this is a natural reaction, even for a conflict coach! We all want to avoid the stress and drama of re-opening or starting a disagreement. Putting it off will often make it worse when it resurfaces later on down the road. "Why did you wait so long to tell me this?" "We should have addressed this a month ago!" Avoiding the unavoidable only creates another issue to be resolved. In our western culture, it is best to be direct. This does not mean being aggressive, threatening or loud. Such tactics will create additional issues to be resolved. Rather, stay positive.

When something comes up, address it. "Hey, I have a concern.; "I feel uncomfortable about. . ." or another cool phrase I heard once "Bookmark that..." (Let's come back to that soon).Keeping your cool is essential for avoiding much of the unpleasantness we often associate with conflict. Hopefully, it can be resolved in a conversational tone without a need for blood pressure medication. If I feel anger coming on, I want to take a break until it passes. Raising my voice and talking faster will only encourage the other person to do the same. That seldom, if ever, ends well. Taking a break and remaining calm lead to better outcomes. Resolving differences in this way creates something called Positive Peace.

I learned of Positive Peace from Johan Galtung, a brilliant scholar, considered by many the father of peace studies. Positive Peace is based on fair, equal and just treatment of others. Like many concepts in conflict resolution, it applies on many different levels; from you and I, groups and communities all the way up to nation-states. If we all feel we have a voice or a say in what goes on in our lives in relation to others, we feel equal. Our problems can be addressed in a just manner, creating a Positive Peace. We feel listened to and valued. I think Positive Peace is far too rare. Yes, there is a such thing as a Negative Peace. Think of a dictatorship that rules people by fear. It may be "peaceful" but in a spooky way. This concept can be applied in the home or work place as well. Think of a tyrannical boss or abusive husband who relies on fear to get their way. I doubt this is a place anyone wants to be, including the boss or husband. They too CAN learn better ways of working with others to create a Positive Peace where everyone benefits.