Silence is Golden.

You get into a heated argument with a good friend after a long bad week at work. The argument started over something stupid. You're not even sure what it was now and things are going from bad to worse. It was someting trivial like who bought the first round last week; something that normally would have sparked a round of jokes had you not been feeling stressed and worried. Our emotions can sometimes get the best of us. Now, if the friend also had a bad week a lot of damage can be done in a short amount of time. How can this be ended while still keeping the friend?

I find when I'm upset with a friend over something stupid or anything really, the friend is not the problem. If I pause and think about it, the cause of my anger is most often something within me. In the buying rounds example, I feel bad because I did not buy a round last week and I've been beating myself up over not being generous lately. So my emotions get the best of me and I become all defensive and cause a scene. Yeah, not a great example but the idea is others often reflect back what we are putting out. Think about it. . . and next time you get angry with somebody, pause and ask "am I really upset with myself over something?" If this is true, apoligize and tell the other person or people what's going on. They'll get it. Being quiet and taking a little time to think can work wonders.

A silent pause can also give time for stuff to sink in. Take a moment to think about what the other guy said and more importantly, think about what you want to say next. Will it escelate or descelate the argument? Remember, the more damage done, the harder and longer it will be to undo. When the other person pauses, it may not be the best time to fill the void with more hot angry air. Give them space to think and consider their next actions. Nobody really likes being in a conflict situation (and if they do it may be best to avoid them). Examining your own emotions / feelings even when someone is trying to unload their bad juju on you, is important. If I react badly or in kind if you will, I too may want to do a little self reflection.