Being in a stressful situation can really get your emotions going! Being really angry or sad is not the best state to be in to make good clear decisions. Often, we find ourselves having to offer up apologies for things we did or said when anger got the better of us. That's never a good feeling. There are ways to keep emotions under control.
Walk Away. When anger starts to build, you can hear your voice getting louder and faster. Even the body gets in on the act becoming more rigid and even changing color (is a deep red your best color?). When this starts, take a break. The others involved should respect this, unless they are already boiling over. That all the more reason to step away. Leave the room, leave the building, do what you need to to keep anger from taking over. No one wins (or gets a just resolution when it does.
Focus on the Problem, not the feeling. Before meeting those you are in conflict with ask yourself what it is that's causing the anger or sadness. Be honest with yourself. It may be something totally unrelated and the most recent event was the "straw that broke the Camel's back" causing a flood of negative emotion to release. By stepping back, you can re-focus on solving the problem logically and justly.
Don't try to "Win." Resolving serious issues will likely call for "give and take." This is not the best time to whip out the me first ego. Rather than a focus on "winning" try to find a solution all can live with. It is highly unlikely a perfect solution can be found where all are happy. But if people can set their egos aside workable solutions can be found. After all, its about how we play the game.
Peel the Onion One way to think about conflict is in layers like an onion. Anger and sadness are symptoms on the surface for all to see. Try to find the cause and once you do, find what caused that problem. Keep peeling until you reach the core issue. This may result in solving many issues at once.
Walk Away. When anger starts to build, you can hear your voice getting louder and faster. Even the body gets in on the act becoming more rigid and even changing color (is a deep red your best color?). When this starts, take a break. The others involved should respect this, unless they are already boiling over. That all the more reason to step away. Leave the room, leave the building, do what you need to to keep anger from taking over. No one wins (or gets a just resolution when it does.
Focus on the Problem, not the feeling. Before meeting those you are in conflict with ask yourself what it is that's causing the anger or sadness. Be honest with yourself. It may be something totally unrelated and the most recent event was the "straw that broke the Camel's back" causing a flood of negative emotion to release. By stepping back, you can re-focus on solving the problem logically and justly.
Don't try to "Win." Resolving serious issues will likely call for "give and take." This is not the best time to whip out the me first ego. Rather than a focus on "winning" try to find a solution all can live with. It is highly unlikely a perfect solution can be found where all are happy. But if people can set their egos aside workable solutions can be found. After all, its about how we play the game.
Peel the Onion One way to think about conflict is in layers like an onion. Anger and sadness are symptoms on the surface for all to see. Try to find the cause and once you do, find what caused that problem. Keep peeling until you reach the core issue. This may result in solving many issues at once.
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