Some General Information on Conflict

Cycle of Violence Wheel Outdated?

Labeling Theory

Communicating Across Cultures

TRANSCEND International

Conflict as an onion

We like simple, uncomplicated answers to our problems and conflicts. Ask any politician well versed in our two minute drill, sound bite driven world and they will tell you the same.

Terrorism-- Kill all the terrorists.
Bad Economy- We need new growth.
Global Climate Change- Deny it exists or We stop burning fossil fuels.
Mass Shootings- Stricter gun control, better mental health services or More Guns!
Poor Education- Private schools or more money.

You get the idea. Life is more complicated than catchy slogans and well-polished elevator speeches. The same is true in our everyday lives. We are all too often quick to throw out judgements on others based on how we view their actions. Let's stick to politics for just a moment. Now, this is not a political blog, for the most part. This is to illustrate what I'm talking about.

Voter Apathy- More people should vote.

Bam! End of problem, right? Well, let's see.

Now, here's where the onion come in. Think of a conflict like an onion. What we want to do is peel back the layers (asking why) one by one until we reach the core where we cannot go any deeper. Yes, it may indeed cause tears. So voter apathy.

Layer one- People are lazy.
Why?
Layer two- They don't care.
Why?
Layer three- The would rather do noting to make things better.
Why?
Layer four- Things are more or less okay for them.
Why?
Layer five- Voting is a hassle.
Why?
Politicians don't want it to be too easy.

I'll let you sort out your own view of what may be at the core of this one. Try this when going through a conflict when you have ample time to think it through objectively as possible.     

     
 

Narratives the stories we tell and How to change beliefs?

"We are story telling primates cast adrift on a tiny island called Earth." -Something I read somewhere.

This is either the most nihilistic thing I've ever herd or the most profound. We base our identity on the stories we are told and later re-tell. I'm an American. That's a story of a group. The story of America I hear is far different from the story of America a new recruit from ISIS hears. How can stories about the same thing, America, be so different? Who writes the stories we internalize? What makes them stick or stay with us? Another question I have is how do we change the stories we believe in? Can that guy from ISIS come to see America as the land of freedom and opportunity? What would need to transpire for that to happen?

There are way too many questions here to answer in a single blog post or even a book. One thing I'm interested in in is how people change their minds. I think one key is hearing different stories, lots of different stories. If I'm in one group that has a certain set of narratives (stories) that define it, how can I grow or change?  I think this is the rub for a lot of people. We fall into routines, not just our daily schedules, but routines of thought. See a headline on social media that's a turn-off? Are you going to read it? I'll be honest. I seldom do. It has to be worded in such a way to make me give it a chance or the person who posted it is someone who's opinion I value. Look, I'm not a fan of the whole "get out of your comfort zone" notion. It sounds preachy and I have to wonder how many of those who use the phrase actually walk the walk. That said, I believe to be thinking, growing adults we need to look beyond our everyday routines and habits. All too often, we focus on what makes us different, unique and I. Here in the west, we fear "We." If its not about my I-phone, my direct (to me) TV or my team (we played hard tonight- really? Tell me your position?), Most of us haven't got time for it. We are rapidly losing our ability to relate to each other as just people. We want to read the labels. Does he have a rebel flag? Does she have tattoos? Is that guy gay? Is she single? Based on the answers, this may or may not be someone I want to know. But here's the deal.

Nobody fits all nice and neat into one category or another. Each of us are many things. Not only that but we evolve and change. I cannot thin of a dumber criticism than being a political flip-flopper. I want somebody than can change their minds based on new information or a different insight. We are different things to different people depending on the situation. I may knock back a few beers with friends on a Saturday evening but I'm not going to get loaded at work! One goes with the narrative while the second goes against it.  I like the story my co-workers have about me as being professional and dependable. Some of my friends like the beer drinker guy. We play hundreds of different roles in other people's stories as well as our own.  So, take it easy. Don't let just one bad decision or action ruin the whole person for you. Like my old boss said, "everybody has a bad day from time to time."  

I think some of the questions we started off with about how views are changed are important for resolving differences. Look for answers in future posts. What's your narrative?             

Don't Give Up

Got something you want to do and it is not working out? Here are a few things to remember...

1. It may take longer than you thought at first. Days can turn into weeks or even months. This is not the end of the world. There will be setbacks along the way. If the goal is worthwhile, it will be even sweeter!

2. Remember this... "Adapt, Adjust, Improvise." Step back from the barrier and let your brain rest. There's a good chance your brain will come up with a solution sometime down the road, like on your way home from work or while doing laundry. It's funny how that works. Also, mull it over a little as you go to sleep or when you first wake up. The mind is in a different state where barriers can fall with ease.

3. No, others cannot solve your problems or achieve your goals all the time but they can sure be helpful from time to time. So socialize and brainstorm. What you give, you get. Be open to people who may NOT be like minded. It's harder to grow if you spend all of your time with people that think, act and look like you. Step out!   

4. And last... You should get back at least what you put into the goal. This may not be what you thought in the beginning. It may look completely different from what you had in mind.

Just a few thoughts as we move into summer. 

Meeting Others

Meet others where they are, not where you want them to be. It's that simple.  

risk...

It is hard to make to make much progress in life without risk. Think about it, your first steps were risky. And it only goes up from there.  Just getting around (on foot, car or airplane), what career to get going and relationships all involve risks. It is important to learn at a young age that failure only occurs in one or two ways- you stop trying or you don't learn from the failure. Who quits trying to learn to walk after the seemingly mandatory stumbles and falls? We all keep going. It is easier if there is someone there to help us and get us back underway. Having a support group there is all important. We all need to be able on someone to be there and pick us up when we fail. They can help us learn and give us courage to move forward yet again.   

Step Out -- Be Informed

Yes, there are a lot of terrible things going on in the world. Many of us here in the west have the luxury of simply tuning out much of the bad. After all, we have enough of our own problems to deal with. Why worry about events beyond our control in places like Syria, Yemen, Iraq or north Korea? I think we need to be good students of the world if for no other reason, to understand ourselves. People look at me like I'm from Mars if I dare to suggest ISIS-style extremism can happen here. Well, it can. The conditions that lead to ISIS / extremism can happen anywhere with all too predictable results. Extreme poverty, non-existent healthcare and too little education never end well. So, when I hear things like "Religious Freedom Laws" that are nothing more than a thinly veiled right to discriminate and dehumanize others green lights granted by states, frankly it scares me. There is much to learn from the rest of the world and if you are able to read this, there is no reason not to.  

We cannot hide away in our own little worlds wrapped up comfortably in schedules, routines and habits. We need to engage. We need to make life better and more enjoyable for others. This cannot be done by ignoring suffering close by or for away. So work to make a difference. Help those in need. No, you don't have to find a solution to poverty, war or genocide. It can be as simple as cheering someone up. Small steps.  Think the butter-fly effect.