Money and Manners

Money... The root of all evil. Right? Well, until you go without any. Yes, there are a few souls who have actually managed to do just that. If any of my readers fall in this category, please let me know. I think it would be a great thing to do. I'm still in the money system if you please. I guess you are as well. I've been flat busted broke and comfortable. Being broke sucks. At least I had a strong social network to fall back on (not face book). So being broke is relative. There are plenty of homeless people who would have gladly traded places with me. And if you have been overseas, you know there are people who would gladly trade places with a homeless person here. Money plays an interesting role in our lives. For some, it becomes an end in itself. How much they have, how much things cost and what things are worth are all they seem to talk about. But ask that same person directly, "is money the most important thing to you?" I bet they will tell you "No." It is so ubiquitous in their lives they don't even realize it.

The people I like best never talk about money. I may know they are well off or comfortable but I have no idea what their income is. The subject never comes up. I had a friend who'd dad was an airline pilot when air line pilots made a very good living. They lived in an average neighborhood and drove nice vehicles but not high end flashy cars. I think they did a good job of keeping money in perspective. Sure, it is important but so are a lot of other things, like being a good human being. Let me share this quite I heard once. "Money is like manure. Big piles of it attract a lot of flies. Spreading it around can create a lot of beautiful flowers." There is a balance to it. In this world, I cannot get by without money. I have to realize there are things more important like relationships I want to preserve and grow. So if I'm worried about every little detail of who owes who and how much, I'm going to create a lot of unnecessary stress for myself and those around me. I maintain it all equals out in the end. Somebody buys me lunch, down the road, I'll get somebody else's. It all works out. No worry!

Just a little thinking with a keyboard on a frosty February afternoon. I think we'll revisit money from to time...               

Projecting Positive!

The last post we touched on putting what we don't like about ourselves on others. The opposite can be true as well. Try seeing what you like about yourself in others. It can be something as simple as a smile. People usually smile back. It has to be real to work. Anything less is well, sorta creepy. Seeing the good in others is not all that hard to do. We are all parents, sons, daughters and brothers and sisters. I've never met anyone born in a vacuum.  The glue that holds it all together is love. It is universal. That said, remember we are all coping as best we can with whatever obstacles we are facing. Accept people even when they are not at their best. Its not what you do or don't do its how you make them feel. Projecting positive feelings is a lot easier, at least in my experience anyway.

Have a great week! 

Accepting Flaws

Flawed, fallen and broken. These words can describe us all at some time or another in our lives. It is universal. Who will be the first one to argue with "...No one is perfect."? Hey, I'm not even sure I punctuated that sentence correctly. Feel free to let me know. Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Unfortunately, we have been casting away ever since. I think we cast stones at ourselves. We see things in others we don't like in ourselves. For example, I don't like stubborn people, those not open to new ideas or experiences. The truth of the matter is I'm happy right where I am. I like my close circle of friends who look and think like I do. I'm projecting my own flaws and insecurities on to others. When I find myself being judgmental, I try to catch it and look inward, Usually, it is something I'm not comfortable with within. Try that sometime and see what you come up with.   

Some good stuff!

There is good all around. Just take a look. 

An Officer's Act of Kindness

Another Good Cop Story

And one more

Students avoid Debit

When People Stand Up

Special Needs Kids and Bullying

Special Needs Kids and Bullying

More on Violence

Domestic Violence- Physical, verbal and emotional abuse from a family member such as a spouse or parent. According to Silent Witness National Initiative the overall trend of domestic violence was going down but their stastics end before the current recession started. With job loss and economic hardship I think it is unlikely the downward trend has continued. Add to that people are stuck in marriages they do not want to be in. So the cycle continues. To reduce this form of violence will take nothing less than a total transformation of our culture. For more information see The Domestic Violence Resource Center.

Sexual Violence- From the WHO -
"Sexual violence is a serious public health and human rights problem with both short- and long-term consequences on women's physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health. Whether sexual violence occurs in the context of an intimate partnership, within the larger family or community structure, or during times of conflict, it is a deeply violating and painful experience for the survivor." 

I'd like to add men and children also can be victims of sexual violence.

It is not about sex but power. Here in the USA, being powerful and aggressive is valued and encouraged for men while these same traits are discouraged in women. In some circles having sex is equated to a "conquest."   However, this is only one of many causes. Another is dehumanization. Women or other victims are reduced to "objects" rendering them undeserving of basic rights and protections. This occurs often in high conflict areas such as wars. The sad cold truth is sexual violence is still culturally acceptable. If you are on this website, you are only a few keystrokes and clicks away from images and videos of torture, humiliation and rape of women men and even children. Continued gender stereotyping is everywhere. "When she says NO she really means YES."  As stated before sexual violence can include both male and male and female and female as well as male and female. Sexual violence can be against children as well. Again, will take a huge culture change to greatly reduce the often hidden amount of sexual violence that takes place every day.

Structural Violence- Cultural and governmental structures put into place which do harm to communities and peoples by putting into place a built in inequality. Israel's treatment of Palestine is a clear example. Even so called free societies are not free of structural violence but it can be more subtle. American "culture wars" is a more subtle form. Women and members of the LGBT community are singled out for unequal treatment based mostly on religious beliefs. This denial of equal treatment under the law not only harms others but also keeps the existing power structure in place. Gays are denied the same basic rights and freedoms as married heterosexual couples. The most powerful use "culture wars" to help maintain their positions. While you are voting "against" gays, you are unknowingly voting for the removal of social safety nets, more war profiteering and increasing income inequality.  Neoliberalism.

Slow Violence- Slowly unfolding harm done to entire communities or peoples. The poisoning of air and water that leads to suffering and illness. Some examples of this include areas of unsafe resource exploitation, denying entire groups of basic rights and freedoms and manufacture and distribution of unsafe products.   

On Violence

Violence

vi·o·lence

   [vahy-uh-luhns]  Show IPA

noun

1.

swift and intense force: the violence of a storm.

2.

rough or injurious physical force, action, or treatment: to die by violence.

3.

an unjust or unwarranted exertion of force or power, as against rights or laws:to take over a government by violence.

4.

a violent  act or proceeding.

5.

rough or immoderate vehemence, as of feeling or language: the violence of his hatred.

Violence is an easy term to understand. But it also comes in many flavors. They are all harmful in one way or another. Let's consider a few. 

Direct Violence - This is the version we are all most familiar with. Violent crime or person on person violence. The amount of direct violence we witness every day via the TV is unreal. Consider this, by the time a kid reaches elementary school, they have seen 8,000 murders on TV and 100,000 acts of violence. No, I did not make this up, look here. Check out this as well. Violent acts make up a huge part of TV news as well both local and national. This helps build ratings and profits, yet only a fraction of violence makes the news. We rarely hear about the child facing verbal and physical abuse day in or day out or the wife or girlfriend caught up in an abusive relationship. Their suffering is no less tragic and needs addressing. Despite violent crime going down, fear of violence is alive and well.   

Here in the USA the fear of violence is a driving force. How can we call ourselves "The Home of The Brave" with a straight face?  Fear drives much of our obsession with guns and the military. People keep loaded guns in both their homes and cars, more often than not ending in tragedy. If you are a gun owner, you are statistically more likely to be harmed by your own gun than use it defending yourself. Simple truth. We would rather have the illusion of safety than real safety it seems.  More guns do not translate into less violence and a safer world. We Americans are proof of that. We have by far and away the most guns and the most murders in the entire world. I don't blame it all on the guns but easy access to firearms exacerbates other problems with deep roots in American history and culture. We are not only afraid of each other, we are are also afraid of everyone else. 

We outspend the rest of the entire world on our military. 9/11/01 gave the powers that be a justification for dramatic spending not only on the military but law enforcement as well. What sense does it make to fight terrorism with the terrorism of state sponsored war? Many died on 9/11 from some assholes flying planes into buildings. Many more have died in the wars that followed and are still on going. How does continuing The War of Terrorism  stop terrorism when war is terror by another name? State Violence anyone?

State Violence- Occurs when the state uses it’s powers to harm own citizens. There are the obvious examples, Nazi Germany, Stalinist Russia and Pol Pot’s Cambodia. These are extreme examples of states turning on their own citizens. State violence can be measured on a spectrum with the three already mentioned on one side and Western Democracies on the other. Now, this is not to say Western Democracies are without their fair share of wrong doing. They too have plenty to be held accountable for but killing massive numbers of their own people is not one of them (except the US). The US practiced what we would today call ethnic cleansing and genocide on the native peoples of this continent. No one was held to account for this horrific wrong committed against an entire culture. I think one could argue this rises to the level of a Hitler or a Pol Pot but the passage of time along with the winners writing the narrative makes it somehow seem less so. If you disagree, I’d ask you to look here and here. The numbers are pretty bad. Murdering people in huge numbers is still a crime against humanity no matter when or where it takes place. States don’t just murder their own. They use other forms of violence as well.

Minority oppression is all too common among existing states. There may be countries that have no history of minority oppression right down to this day but I cannot think of one. While people may not be out right killed, in too many places (one is too many) minorities face beatings, police harassment and structural violence. There are numerous examples of this going on all over the globe as you read this. Vietnam and the Montinynards, Central American countries and indigenous peoples Israelis and Arabs, America and black Africans, the list could go on and on. The violence is similar in each case and while in many places progress is being made, there is still a very long way to go. State Violence can also be unleashed on people with different ideas.

The idea of a more equitable and just world put forward by Occupy movements the world over have met with violent reactions here in the US. When discrediting, mockery and ridicule fail to work the back up is force. Massive amounts of resources are arrayed against largely peaceful demonstrators. Police armed better than a lot of armies are deployed against loosely organized peaceful demonstrators. Demonstrations are broken up and key people are arrested (sometimes even before a demonstration occurs). The state uses media influence to put fourth an "official" narrative about what happens from the law enforcement / government's point of view. Few if any questions are raised about why the protests are happening in the first place.     

In the next post, we'll examine the following: 
Sexual & Domestic Violence

Structural Violence 

Slow Violence